I had a rough weekend. There was stress, scary television (one word – Wentworth), and allergies…possibly a cold…basically there were a lot of Kleenexes used. I made it through the only way a strong, intelligent woman can – snuggled in a blanket. Not just any blanket though. It had to be my Grandma Una blanket.
Best blanket ever known to humankind…and it’s mine, all mine! (Unless the hubs steals it – greedy sucker…)
I’m sure you are thinking, “What, pray tell, is a Grandma Una blanket?” I’m so glad you asked. I have a fabulous grandmother who makes blankets that have been consecrated by the Great Patron of Glorious Blankets. Go ahead. Laugh but it’s true. Her blankets are MAGIC. Why are you still laughing? I’m totally serious. She pieces together blankets with scraps from her other magnificent creations, ties the quilt together, hems the edges, and BAM! Behold the Glorious Grandma Una Blanket. I’m telling you, her blankets have mystical, magic, healing, super powers. Seriously, I have proof.
For all my Outlander friends, you know what a stressful, scary, painful event last Saturday’s episode was. I didn’t want to watch it alone. However, I really didn’t want anyone nearby to see me cry. I needed a buffer between Black Jack and me. (…pssst….he’s scary…) What’s a girl to do?! Enter Grandma Una Blanket. I was protected and shielded from the likes of the reprehensible Captain Black Jack Randall. When I saw the hammer and nail came out? No way. Nuh uh….not gonna watch that. Blanket to the rescue! I made it through by peeking over the edge of my wonderful blanket. When the tears started to fall and my nose started to run? I grabbed Kleenex because, ew…gross, don’t be wiping snot on my blanket! That is NOT how you treat a Glorious Grandma Una Blanket. I have NEVER…well…there was that one time…but I was SIX!!!!
I didn’t feel well for most of Saturday and by Sunday morning there was no way I was voluntarily leaving my bed. I helped get the kiddos ready for church but wanted to go back to bed with the real comforter in my life – my Grandma Una blanket. (…comforter…blanket…there’s a joke in there…I’ll let you play with it…) It’s not enough to have a super, fantastic blanket during times of yucky, achy, snottiness. When you are sick, there are steps that need to be taken in order for your blanket to work:
- Make your bed. Yes, I’m serious. In order for the blanket to work, it cannot be tangled and diluted by other blankets.
- Grab the blanket and wrap yourself up burrito style (…if you don’t know what I’m referring to, you’ve lived a sad, sad life…)
- Plop yourself on top of your nicely made bed – yep on top of the covers.
- Because you are burritoed in your blanket, the plopping can take a bit of finesse. Put all your weight on the outside foot, bend that knee slightly, then push up with a bounce while targeting your body in the direction of your bed. If you don’t get it on the first try – and you haven’t hurt yourself by falling on the floor – try again. You’ll be an expert in no time (at plopping on the bed not hurting yourself – I’m an expert on the hurting yourself…not fun…).
- Burrow in and let the blanket work its magic.
I hear you doubters out there – hatin’ on a girl ‘cuz she’s got it figured out. Everyone has that one blanket in the house – the go-to snuggle-upper. There is no age limit on needing a blankie. I’m…er….uh…between 20-40 and still need mine from time to time. It’s okay if you don’t believe me. Just wait. One day, you’re going to need some solace or something to soothe your aching, ailing body and what is the first thing you reach for? That’s right. It’s okay. Just let it happen. I’ll save my “I told you so” for later.
SIDE NOTE: I’m not trying to cheat on my blanket or anything but if someone was looking to get me something special, this is it! Behold, the Wonder Woman Comfy Throw – DC Comics Fleece Blanket with Sleeves! Thank you Amazon for truly carrying EVERYTHING.