Beyond Theology, Beyond Science

This is not one of my sarcastic posts, so if that’s what you came for, you may want to move on. Also, please excuse grammatical errors. This post is heart-driven.

I’ve been thinking about pain a lot lately. As someone who suffers from chronic migraines, it frequently passes my mind. Friends who know me well, know that I am religious. I’m not the perfect example (sometimes I wonder if I’m even a good example) but here we are. When I have questions about how things work, I research. Stop laughing. I never said I was a good example of being cool either. With pain on my mind, Easter coming, and my natural sense of curiosity, I wanted to learn more about crucifixion and Christ’s physical state before and during.

If you’ve read the Bible at all or know someone of Christian faith, you’re probably familiar with the events that led to Christ’s death. Here’s my disclaimer: I am not a scriptorian or any type of Christianity expert. Please take my interpretations and understandings for what they are – personal interpretations and understandings.

After a Passover meal, Christ gathered his disciples. He took them with him to a garden called Gethsemane where he intended to pray. While he prayed, alone, he sweat drops of blood. There is an actual medical condition called Hematohidrosis. Hematohidrosis is a very rare condition of sweating blood. It also is supposed to leave the skin extremely tender to the touch. At that physically low and hurting moment, he was betrayed and arrested.

He was marched to the governor, Pilate, and then marched to the king, Herod. According to what I’ve been able to find, that distance would be over two miles. But, it wasn’t a leisurely stroll. He would’ve been tired from not sleeping, body most likely aching, skin tender, all the while being mocked, spit on, hit by stray rocks and goodness knows what else the mobs decided to throw at him. Sinking even physically and emotionally lower, Herod sentenced him to die by crucifixion.

Christ was then subjected to further humiliation and physical torment. He was tasked with carrying his own cross after he’d been flogged by leather whips that had sheep bone embedded in the strips to make more damage. Roman guards then took a “crown” of thorns (Euphorbia milii) and pressed it to his head. Apparently, not only are the thorns painful but any sap that lingered would have caused more pain as the sap is poisonous thus causing his already sensitive skin to become even more irritated.

At this point, Christ would be in a great state of blood loss, possibly in shock. Could this have been something to help him endure? An odd sort of tender mercy? Soldiers threw a robe on him as a type of patch or glorified bandaid but later negated the robe’s usefulness after they ripped it from his skin causing his wounds to reopen and bleed again. At this point, Christ’s physical health would have been in a deathly critical state. Blood loss, weakness, and pain prevented him from carrying his cross the rest of the way so Simon of Cyrene helped him complete this task.

Did you know the word excruciating is derived from the word crucifixion? Excruciate: “to torture, torment, inflict very severe pain on,” as if by crucifying, 1560s, from Latin excruciatus, past participle of excruciare “to torture, torment, rack, plague;” figuratively “to afflict, harass, vex, torment,” from ex “out, out from; thoroughly” + cruciare “cause pain or anguish to,” literally “crucify,” from crux (genitive crucis) “a cross” (excruciate | Etymology). Crucifixion is said to be the most painful death ever invented by humans.

Christ would have been laid down on a cross on the ground, then hammered in place with 7-9 inch nails to hold him. Further torturing a sensitive, bleeding, dehydrated, emotionally drained, exhausted body. Once “secured”, the soldiers then lift him up and let gravity take its tortuous course. The nails in the wrists would have most likely severed a nerve which would have shot new waves of continual pain. Eventually, gravity and the body’s weight would’ve caused Christ to distribute his weight, eventually taking it to his chest: “He would immediately have trouble breathing as the weight caused the rib cage to lift up and force him into an almost perpetual state of inhalation” (Jha). He would not have been able to breathe in. Have you ever had the wind knocked out of you? So basically like that but so much worse.

Unfathomably, Christ was able to muster enough strength and breath to still plead for forgiveness for the unforgivable: “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).

I’ve thought about this a lot – the theological and scientific aspects. Instead of science diminishing the power of the Easter story, it has done the opposite and made it more powerful. I think that we, at times, think “Oh, Jesus was super powerful so, of course, he could handle all of that.” But here’s the thing, he was still mortal. He still felt pain. God removed himself leaving Christ with the physical limitations we all share. He literally was just our brother trying his best to carry a load he knew we could not.

He hurt. He bled. He cried. He suffered. He did all of that willingly. And, in the end, with all the anguish and suffering of gasping breath he still pleaded for those who were hurting him, mocking him, abusing him, denying him. Even with the pain that I experience, with the trials and tragedies I’ve had to experience, I cannot, with my meager human understanding, comprehend his level of pain, of emotional anguish. But here’s the thing, I don’t really have to.

Because of Him, I have someone pleading on my behalf even when I’m stupid. Because of Him, when I am low and hurting, I have His strength. Because of Him, when I am in the darkness of pain, I have His healing. Because of him, when life’s sufferings are causing me to be in a perpetual state of inhalation, I can breathe. Because of him, when my soul is in the depths of anguish, I have his soul-comforting peace. When I am in the abyss of despair, tormented, hurting, and unable to carry the burden, He is there to lift me, to fortify me to be able to carry on knowing that I am not alone. Never alone. And that, beyond theology, beyond science, THAT is all I really need to know.

My children (May 2011) seeing the Christus in the
Mesa AZ Temple Visitor’s Center for the first time.

Works Cited

“Crown of thorns | Plant, Description, & Meaning.” Encyclopedia Britannica, 15 December 2017, https://www.britannica.com/plant/crown-of-thorns-plant. Accessed 8 April 2023.

“excruciate | Etymology, origin and meaning of excruciate by etymonline.” Online Etymology Dictionary, 3 May 2020, https://www.etymonline.com/word/excruciate. Accessed 8 April 2023.

Jerijani, H. R., et al. “HEMATOHIDROSIS – A RARE CLINICAL PHENOMENON – PMC.” NCBI, July-September 2009, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2810702/. Accessed 8 April 2023.

Jha, Alok. “How did crucifixion kill? | Science.” The Guardian, 8 April 2004, https://www.theguardian.com/science/2004/apr/08/thisweekssciencequestions. Accessed 8 April 2023.

“New Testament.” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/nt?lang=eng. Accessed 8 April 2023.

MOUNTAINS TO CLIMB

This is a talk that I gave in church on January 9, 2022. For my friends of different faiths or those of my atheist friends, you may not be able to apply everything that I spoke about but please know that I will be the boost when you’re trying to take that first step or your safe place when you don’t know how to start your climb.

I know I’ve mentioned before, probably obnoxiously so, how much I love mountains. I grew up at the base of Mount Graham and it’s gorgeous. It’s beautiful. I love it. It was kind of like a source of security and protection because it just encompasses the valley.

I’ve always been a daddy’s girl. Whenever he would head to the mountains to cut wood, or scope out areas to cut wood, or just take a drive to clear his head, I would beg him to take me with. Just me and him. I loved the mountains – something that hasn’t changed. On one particular outing – I was probably 8? 9? 10? – we drove up to the mountains until my dad found a good spot to park and look around. There was a section of rock that was piled up. It was my mountain and I wanted to climb it. He discouraged me explaining that I wasn’t dressed for it (It was summer and I was wearing the traditional summer uniform: shorts, t-shirt, and sneakers – I had flip flops on but he made me put sneakers on before we left.) and that even though it looked like a small climb it was bigger than I thought. Now, I’m sure it’s surprising to some of you guys but I’m a little bit stubborn. So, I complained and pestered and complained and pestered until he finally gave in and told me to climb the mountain. He’d be nearby. Excited, I ran over and started to climb. The first couple of footholds I was doing quite well. On the next foothold, however, the rock gave way and I slid down. I hadn’t made it very far up but even sliding down that short distance made its mark – my hands and knees were bloodied and scraped. In tears, I ran to my dad who scooped me up and made sure I was okay. He would’ve had every right to shake his head at me and tell me “I told you so” but he didn’t. After calming down, we talked about my mountain climbing approach which wasn’t so much of an approach as it was me hoping I could just barrel my way up.

I’ve thought of this experience numerous times throughout my life. We talk a lot in the gospel about “moving mountains” but to me, it’s more important to know how to climb them, create security/shelter from them. More recently, my thoughts have turned to the “mountains” in our lives – pain, doubt, confusion, illness, depression, or any other problem affecting us –  and our need to know the proper approach to “climbing” them instead of just trying to barrel our way up or through. 

That day so many years ago, my dad walked me back over to the climb and pointed out areas that had a better footing than others. I listened intently as he helped me map out a path and I could pick out the areas he was talking about. A foothold here, a place to grab hold there. Each step helped guide and lift me to the next. All the steps needed to be taken in order for me to make it to the top unscathed. Sure, I probably could have hopped around and eventually made it up but I would definitely be worse for the wear. 

After my dad finished explaining the proper approach to my climb. I was too afraid to try again. My hands were raw and throbbing. I had scuffs and scratches on my knees. If you know my dad, you know that “NOT trying” is NEVER an option. He embodies the “walk it off and keep going” mindset. He walked me over to the lowest foothold and once again showed me how to get started. I just didn’t know if I could do it or if I even wanted to try.

In life, sometimes, I just want…to stop. To give up. I don’t know about you but sometimes I grow tired of climbing. It seems as we reach the top of one peak, another looms in our way. Sometimes, I don’t know if I have enough strength, enough faith. President Nelson has told us “…exercising faith can seem overwhelming. At times we may wonder if we can possibly muster enough faith to receive the blessings that we so desperately need…The Lord understands our mortal weakness. We all falter at times. But He also knows of our great potential…The Lord does not require perfect faith for us to have access to His perfect power. But He does ask us to believe” (“Christ Is Risen”).  He goes on to say that “The Savior is never closer to you than when you are facing or climbing a mountain with faith” (Nelson).

I stared at that climb in front of me while my dad offered encouraging words. He assured me he’d stay by me. I shakily lifted one foot and secured it in place. Then I reached with trembling fingers to my first handhold. Cautiously and probably painfully slow, I made progress. I never felt impatience from my dad who I’m sure had other things he wanted to do. He stayed right there encouraging me along the way. I took it one foothold at a time, one reach at a time. Terrified of falling again.

“[Our] mountains will vary, and yet the answer to each of [our] challenges is to increase [our] faith. That takes work. Lazy learners and lax disciples will always struggle to muster even a particle of faith. To do anything well requires effort. Becoming a true disciple of Jesus Christ is no exception

Study…Immerse yourself in the scriptures…Internalize the truth that the Atonement of Jesus Christ applies to you. He took upon Himself your misery, your mistakes, your weakness, and your sins. He paid the compensatory price and provided the power for you to [climb] every mountain you will ever face. You obtain that power with your faith, trust, and willingness to follow Him

[Climbing] your mountains may require a miracle…Miracles come according to your faith in the Lord. Central to that faith is trusting His will and timetable—how and when He will bless you with the miraculous help you desire. Only your unbelief will keep God from blessing you with miracles to move the mountains in your life” (Nelson).

Faith takes work. Faith is a verb and not a passive one. (Well, maybe more of a noun that can be used as an adverb, but you get the point, right?) Faith requires action. If you can do nothing more than have that particle of faith, ask the Lord for help. “The Savior is never closer to you than when you are facing or climbing a mountain with faith.” (Nelson).

It probably took me waaaaaaay longer than it should have to climb that day. But I did it. It wasn’t smooth and it wasn’t skillful but each successful step helped me believe that I could make it. Helped me have more faith that each step would find a solid footing. And, through it all, I knew I wasn’t alone. 

“Through your faith, Jesus Christ will increase your ability to [climb] the mountains in your life, even though your personal challenges may loom as large as Mount Everest” (Nelson).

I don’t know what mountains are currently looming in your way. I don’t know what mountains you may be asked to climb. I can only tell you that no matter how big that mountain is you don’t have to climb it alone. If you can’t remember anything else from my words, please remember that: you do not have to climb it alone.

Choose to believe and have faith. Choose to take the needed step. Not sure what step to take? Ask. Ask for help. Take your question to the Lord. Study with even that small particle of belief and let that faith increase and grow. “The Lord understands our mortal weakness. We all falter at times. But He also knows of our great potential. With faith in Him, we can [climb] the mountains in our lives” (Nelson). So climb. Just take one foothold at a time, one reach at a time, and before you know it, you will reach the top and be stronger for it. 

You are so very loved and no matter what, you never walk nor climb alone.

Works Cited

Nelson , President Russell M. “Christ Is Risen; Faith in Him Will Move Mountains.” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Apr. 2021, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2021/04/49nelson?lang=eng.